Of Saints And Of Spirits
by KL4YM0R3
Summary: Meet Zacharais Hawke. He has a Spirit of Valor living in his head and he's a flaming homosexual, too. His lover, Anders, has a Spirit of Justice living inside his head. This is the terribly long, undescriptive (and very sarcastic) story of how they screwed themselves, and all other mages, to damnation. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Share your secrets at the Hanged Man

**Of Saints And Of Spirits**

 **Chapter 1: Share your secrets at the Hanged Man**

It's been a long day for everyone. Aveline working double patrol, Varric dealing with some scumbag from the Merchants guild, the Hawke brothers out and about, getting information and making coin.

But they're not the only ones who have had a hard day. A certain Grey Warden, from whom the party needed maps, has had a particularly tough day.

Sick and wounded were pouring in as if the blight had just hit Kirkwall. Anders couldn't keep up with all the patients, he was running out of lyrium potions, and to top it off, he _finally_ arranged to meet with Karl. That night. Anders just couldn't keep his mind in one place - There was just _so_ much to be done.

He had just finished up with his last patient, a young boy, when four peculiar faces peeked in. They definitely weren't injured or sick.

That could only mean _one_ thing.

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?"

One of the men took a step forward. He was the shortest of the four - well, excluding for the dwarf - with spiky silver hair and bright blue eyes.

 _Dammit, Varric. You didn't warn me that he was going to be this cute,_ the man thought, trying to cover his blatant homosexuality behind a calm exterior.

"Hi, I'm Hawke. Zacharias Hawke - Zach for short. Pleased to make your acquaintance." He said, quite composed.

"You're not sick or injured. If you have no business here, leave." The mage responded.

"Well, I would have offered my help, seeing as you have your hands full, but I suppose I could always take my magical powers and set up a rival clinic across the sewers." Zach snapped back.

"Go ahead. These people need as much help as they can get."

The dwarf interrupted; "What he means to say is, we need a map into the deep roads. Rumor has it you were a warden. Do you know a way?"

"Did the Grey Wardens send you to come get me? Well I'm not going. Bastards made me get rid of my cat," Anders paused, "Poor Ser-Pounce-a-Lot. He hated the deep roads."

Zach smiled. He remembered when he had a cat - before the templars came and they had to give Serah Soft-Paws away. "A cat? In the Deeproads? Wouldn't he be scared? Poor thing." He asked, wondering what a cat would be like around darkspawn.

"He was a gift. A noble beast. He almost got ripped in half by a genlock once - he swatted the bugger on the nose. Drew blood too. But the Wardens said he made me too soft and I had to give him away." Anders sighed.

"Hey, Carver, doesn't that sound familiar?" Zach remarked.

"Not my fault YOUR cat didn't like the idea of moving. The templars were on your ass, not mine." Carver scoffed.

Zach rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the healer. "We're part of an expedition into the Deeproads. Any information you have could save lives."

Anders frowned. "I will die a happy man If I never have to think about the blighted Deeproads again. You can't imagine what I've done to get here. I won't-" he interrupted himself, "-Although... a favor for a favor. Does that sound like a fair deal? You help me, I'll help you?"

Zach, almost immediately, accepted.

"You don't ask for my terms? What if I asked for the Knight-Commander's head on a spike?" Anders bluffed. "I'm working on it." Zach mocked, and the healer scoffed. "I need help with... A friend. I wanted to free him from the circle, but... The templars learned of my plans to free him. Help me bring him safetly past them, and you shall have your maps." Anders said, happy that someone wanted to help.

Zach agreed, even if his brother didn't. Seeing as it was already almost dark, they headed directly to the Chantry from there. And when they finally found Karl- Well, let's just say it wasn't pretty. Betrayal, murder, templars, angry glowing...

Just know that it was when they got back from that, the real fun started. Something happened back there that even I'm not sure what exactly happened.

When they got back to Darktown, Anders explained his circumstances. Running away from the Wardens, Karl and... Justice."Just as demons prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are good spirts who embody our virtues. Spirits of compassion, fortitude... Justice."

Zach interrupted; "It's... Valor, not Fortitude. People keep on getting them confused." He chuckled, then let Anders continue. "Yes, of course... Anyway, back when I got trapped in Amaranthine, I had a friend... A spirit. Justice. He was trapped outside the fade, and he needed a host. I figured a willing host, a friend, would at least be better than possessing some corpse. I was helping a friend, and-"

"-Maker, another mage making deals with demons! His story sounds exactly like yours, brother. Bah, you mages really are all the same!" Carver grumbled, not realizing what he just said.

Of all the responses Anders could think of, this was not one of them. "You... What? What's he talking about?"

"Maker, you just can't keep your mouth shut, can you? I suppose..." Zach ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't... Not here. Too many eyes. Too many ears." He mumbled just barely hard enough for Varric to make out what he was saying. Varric looked at Aveline and nodded.

"Carver, let's get you home," she said, pulling Carver along. Varric handed Zach a key, presumably to his room in the Hanged Man, and followed the other two.

"So... You fine with the Hanged Man?" Zach asked, smiling at Anders.


	2. Talk your heart out, I'll be around

**Chapter 2: Talk your heart out, I'll be around**

Zach arrived at the suite, and Anders walked in behind him. "So, Zacharias..?"

"Please, uhh... Call me Zach. You, uhh, make yourself at home. I'll go get some drinks," he said, gesturing to the large table in the middle of the room.

Anders got comfortable on one of the big, fluffy chairs while Zach was downstairs chasing down Edwina. It didn't take long, but it was quite tiring. When Zach entered the room again, he closed the door and set the ale on the table. He saw Anders put his feet up on the table and almost immediately said; "Hey, don't- try not to- please refrain from putting your feet on the table. Varric might get upset. Probably. Maybe. I don't know. It's a possibility. I mean, your shoes are pretty dirty."

Anders chuckled, but took his feet off the table. "You don't know? Aren't you guys good friends or something?"

"Yeah, sure. I mean, we're pretty close considering we met three days ago." Zach said nonchalantly.

"Three _days_ ago? Honestly, you two look like you've known each other for _years_. He even gave you the key to his room and left you to your devices, just because." Anders said, surprised.

"Well, we met by him basically telling me he wanted to be bffs. Then warning me about Hightown." Zach grinned and took a sip of his ale.

There were a few moments of awkward silence before Zach spoke again. "I reckon you want to know what my brother was going on about."

Anders didn't say anything, but cleary he wouldn't have come if he didn't want to know.

"You know, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you had a pint in your hand," Zach said, handing one to Anders. "Alright. This is kind of a long story. Okay, not kind of, it _is-_ You get the point." Anders chuckled - Zach was obviously quite nervous.

"Okay. So, my father is... _was_ a mage, as was my sister, as am I. Now, when we were younger, my father would take me and my sister out to a forest or a concealed area behind whichever house we lived in at the time and train with us." Zach started. His tale _was_ going to be long one. "He would teach us a about magic - how to control it, what it does, what it is, where it's appropriate to use, where not - stuff like that. Every time we came across something new, he would explain it to us. Now, I don't really remember when it happened, but it was at our... second to last house before coming here? I guess there was a tear in the rift nearby, or something. There were a lot of spirits in that area. Most of them were just wondering around or passing by." Zach said, looking at Anders, who was listening intensely.

"One of the spirits like to watch us practice. He didn't do anything, or say anything - just watched. Father told us to ignore them, because they're harmless. So one day, when father had to go away for... _work_ , or something, I told Bethany - that's my sister... Umm, well, her name. Anyway, I told her I wanted to talk to the spirit, but she couldn't tell father about it." Zach said, just as he finished his pint. He took another. "When I first talked to him, he complimented me on my bravery. Few people would walk up to a spirit just because. I asked him if he was a spirit of bravery - he told me no; and that everyone always got it wrong. It's Valor, not bravery. Not fortitude. It's close, but not close enough."

Anders smiled. "Hah. Justice was the same way."

"So we talked for a while. It was mostly stupid things - I asked him what it was like being a spirit, he asked me what it was like being a human. I talked about mother's food and bards playing the lute and moving to get away from the templars... He talked about the Fade and the different spirits and the occasional dreamer and demons I shouldn't trust... We became good friends." Zach grinned at the pleasant memories. "We became good friends... Unfortunately, a few months later, we had to move again. To Lothering. Before we left again, I asked him why he was always in the same place. He told me he was... trapped. Outside the fade. It was safe for him to be in that area because he knew we were friendly. When I told him we had to leave, he told me I shouldn't run away. That I should fight - he knew I was brave enough." Zach looked around, as if to search for eavesdroppers - which he didn't find.

"I told him it wasn't that easy. I wanted to take them on, with every fibre of my being, but my life wasn't the only thing at stake. My family, their lives. I was brave enough to fight the templars, but it's not what I needed. I needed to be brave enough to face them and remain calm. Brave enough to look them in the eye and not tear their throats out." Zach looked at Anders and saw the empathy in his eyes. "Also, I needed more bravery to face the giant spider in the bathroom." He tried to lighten the mood. "Anyway, I told him we could help each other. He needed a vessel, I needed more bravery. A favor for a favor. He accepted and... Well, I'm sure you know how it goes."

"So," Anders said, "How does your brother know? It doesn't sound like a fine idea to tell your family 'Oh, by the way, I have an extra member living in my head now.'"

"Well, I didn't. They sort of found out. Kind a similar manner as we found out about Justice."

"Ah."

"...But to answer your question, one day, my dad just disappeared, and later that day templars came to our house. We knew. And... I lost it. I broke down in front of them. Valor came out - to help me keep a brave face, and it took so much out of me..." Zach's voice started cracking.

"I'm sorry about your father... And your sister," Anders said.

"Yeah, thanks." Zach stated, followed by a silence.

"I'm... Gonna go get more drinks." He said, rushing back downstairs again.

They spend the rest of the night at the Hanged Man, drinking, telling jokes and playing Wicked Grace. Well, until 3 the next morning when Varric demanded his suite back.

"I seriously don't mind sharing the suite, but the way you two are going, if I let that happen, I'm probably never going to get it back." Zach and Anders looked at each other and started laughing. They were both drunk out of their wits - or, Zach was, at least.

"Sorry. I got distracted by the fancy wall decorations and the cute barmaids," Anders said.

"...And _I_ got distracted by the fancy rats in petticoats and the cute bartender." Zach added.

"Wait, so you-"

"Oh, yeah, that. I seemed to have failed to mention I like men. I assumed everyone just knew." Zach said manner-of-factly, interrupting Anders.

Anders looked at Varric to confirm, and Varric nodded before asking Zach if he didn't have 'some great quest to do' or something.

Out of habit, Zach grabbed Anders' hand, ran directly to Hightown, and asked, "What do you say we go on an adventure?"

* * *

 _(Author's note)_

 _Okay so, obviously, I'm writing this fanfic, and I have some really great ideas for it. I have some major plot devices and the main story already figured out in my head, but I have some trouble figuring out the little details and the in-betweens.  
_ _Because of this, the writing is going a bit slow, and I would appreciate some feedback.  
_ _I would love a message from you guys, about your views or ideas or interpretation or anything from anyone just to get some outside opinions._

 _Thanks for anyone who has used their precious time to read this._


	3. 3 AM is the Perfect Time for Adventure

_(Author's Note)_

 _Alright, so it's been a long time, and I mean a_ really _long time since I've updated, and I apologise for that, but I've been extremely busy with school and my part-time job. I've recently picked up writing again, so hopefully it won't be another year and a half before my next chapter. Thanks to everyone who's been so patient, and here you go._

* * *

 **Chapter 3: 3 AM is the Time for Adventure**

"You want to go adventuring... Now? At three in the morning?" Anders asked.

"Well, yeah. Why not?" Zach replied.

"Listen, I'd love to, but I have to get back to the clinic. Nights and early mornings are actually the busiest times. Maybe later?" Anders said, a little more condescending.

"Like when?" Zach asked.

"How about any other time during the day?" Anders said, very sarcastically.

"But, I-"

"-I'll see you around, Zach," Anders said, smiling, to which Zach just replied "Fine," with a sour expression on his face.

Zach whirled around and awkwardly walked away. When Zach saw Anders was gone, presumably back to the clinic, he decided on to have this 'adventure' on his own - trying to decide where to go. After wandering around aimlessly for a moment, he made up his mind. He was going to the Wounded Coast. At three in the morning.  
After half an hour or so of walking, jogging, running, hiking and skipping (Yes, _skipping_ ,) Zach finally got to the Wounded Coast. He strolled around a bit, staff in hand, on the lookout for raiders.

When he reached the shore, he still didn't find anyone. It was totally _deserted_. Get it? Because he was in a _desert._ Anyway, Zach decided to take off his shoes and sit where the waves reached his feet, but not much further.

"It's so... peaceful," Zach remarked. "Is it always like this?" He asked no one in particular.

The water was really nice. Half cold, half warm. Zach took off his overcoat and used it as a pillow. He looked up at the stars - they were much brighter here than in the city. Zach scanned the sky for constellations and star signs. The stars seemed to form odd shapes and pictures, but unfortunately none that Zach could make out. He looked a little harder, and finally found something that at least kinda looked like a dragon. Sort of. Okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch. Zach admired the stars for a little while longer before his eyelids became heavy and he decided to take a nap.

Zach woke up about four hours later, in the exact same spot. He did a quick scan of his surroundings, and made sure he still had all his things. After he checked, he decided to head home. When he got to the Lowtown bazaar, he ran into Carver and Varric.

"There you are! Zach, where have you been?" Carver shouted.

"I, uhh... Went out to buy supplies..?" Zach hesitated - he didn't lie often, and when he did he wasn't any good at it.

"Are you telling us or asking us?" Varric mocked. He knew exactly where Zach was. Well, he _thought_ he knew.

Zach scowled at Varric and replied "Yes," to which Varric replied by asking where Anders was.

"I don't know. Probably at his clinic. He left shortly after our chat last night." Zach looked away. Varric then realized something went wrong, but left it at that.

Zach, Carver and Varric went to fetch Aveline before leaving for the daily routine. Aveline needed a favor - something about an ambush on Sundermount. On the way they took out a few Flint Company mercenaries, killed a few spiders and scavenged the remains of some or other wrecked caravan.  
The whole way, Zach had his mind elsewhere. Carver and Aveline was on the front lines, but Varric was right next to Zach and noticed something was off.

"Hey, what's the matter with you?" Varric asked, but Zach either ignored him or didn't hear him.

"Hey, Grumpy!" Varric yelled, throwing Zach with a pebble.

"I'm just _tired_ , Varric," Zach said, sighing. "That _is_ what a night of, well, _not sleeping_ will do to you."

Varric eyed him wearily. "Okay, then. I believe you."

Aveline interrupted the conversation with a quick comment on the highwaymen they just killed; That they were a bit too well equipped for bandits. That, which led to Aveline wanting to talk to the Guard-Captain, which led to other things, which led to other things.  
Anyway, after their little "quest", Zach got a letter from Meeran saying that he got a job for him from some guy named "Anso"... And knowing Aveline, Zach knew she wouldn't want anything to do with Meeran or the Red Iron, but he needed the backup.

So he went to ask Anders.

Now, after their _previous_ encounter, Zach wanted to be careful to not say or do anything that might scare Anders away. Again.  
When Zach entered the clinic, he didn't see Anders. Instead, he saw a bunch of sick and hurt people. He wanted to leave and go look for Anders, but it was against his nature to leave these people like they were. Zach knew how to heal wounds, and knew something about diseases, so he took his knowledge and tried to help who he could.

He mended a bunch of broken bones, healed a stab wound here and a burn mark there and issued a few potions and lotions to the ill and the injured. He had just finished with seven patients when Anders returned.

"What the... Zach..?" Anders mumbled.

He scanned over the people who were healed, and the ones who were being healed, then looked at Zach in bewilderment.

"Did you... Did you do all this? While I was out?" He asked, still amazed.

"Well, yeah. I came looking for you, but you weren't in. I wanted to leave to go look for you, but I just couldn't leave these people to suffer..." Zach said, making it sound like no big deal.

"Thank you," Anders said, putting his bag down. "I was worried about them. I ran out of supplies and I needed some really badly, so I figured a quick stop into town..." He drifted off.

After a detailed explanation of why he was out, Anders realised Zach was still listening and stopped mid-sentence. "Sorry, I got a bit caught up in my own story. You said you were looking for me?"

"Yeah. I, uhh, sort of need your help with this one job. It's something I know Aveline will definitely not help me with, and, well, I need the backup..." Zach said, trying not to use terms like 'shady merchant in Lowtown at night,' 'mercenary job nobody else wanted to take,' or 'They pay well so we're probably gonna die.'

"Sure, definitely. I'll have the time to, anyway, since you probably halved the amount of work I have." Anders said, smiling.

"Great! It's a night job, so, you can probably finish up before we have to do it, anyway. I've arranged with Carver and Varric to meet up at the Hanged Man at seven." Zach said, getting his things.

"See you then," Anders mumbled, still in awe of Zach's apparent healing abilities.


End file.
